The Road to an Internet Connection


It all started when we moved to Gandhinagar, Adyar. We decided that it would be sensible to get a broadband connection, and the whole plan looked rather nice: we were to get a landline with it, there'd be no download limits, and there seemed to be no mention of traffic shaping. To top it all off, when the sales rep came over to get the documents and money, he promised us the connection within “maximum 72 hours” which was later changed to an excusable “maximum 4 working days“ from the date we paid the money (19th Aug).


Z has told me lots of nice stories about Airtel's service, so I accepted that time as the truth. Now, until we'd paid up that money (on the 19th of August), our man the sales rep (K. Vijay, he called himself) was the ever eager caller, and there'd be lots of calls about the money or documents. He even offered to go pick up some documents from another address. How kind! Or not.


Today is the 24th of August, yesterday is when my mom was told that they would need another day. Today, at 3 p.m., my mom was told that the engineers* would be sent “now”. When the promised engineers didn't arrive before 5 p.m., my mom decided to check if there was a problem. The first time the call goes through to the Mr. Vijay's phone but no one picks up. The second time, soon after, it's switched off. I hope it wasn't stolen. That would be rather sad. Or not.


It is 10:20 p.m. now, I've just finished a 33 minute phone call to Airtel Customer Care. It is the third call we have had to make. Each time, my mom had to repeat the facts because it didn't strike them to give us a complaint number. I had to ask for it the last time, and then it took more than 2 minutes. I wouldn't fault the customer service rep though. She claimed she was called Sathya, I thought that was a guy's name. She is forgiven because she agreed to cancel the bloody advertising that plays during the time when you're on hold.


The first two times my mom made the call, she was told that Customer Care would call back when they learn something. Didn't happen. That's pretty rude, you know, saying you'll call back and then not calling back. And they had learnt something. After we'd gone through the whole rigmarole of describing the problem again, they told us a new date: The 1st of September maximum. Maximum. They like that word. I wonder if they're taught that. I can just imagine:

Pg. 46 of Airtel employee's customer service booklet, point number 4 – Add maximum after the end of any date mentioned. Expected response: Customer looks like she's thinking, “Oooh! That could mean it's before that date!”.


So I spoke to 'Ms. Sathya'. She was decently helpful, and I guess I should be grateful for that°. After some talking, she said she would talk to her boss and that I should wait on hold. As a diligent customer, I did the obvious. I asked to be put through to this boss person. After a couple of minutes of being on hold, I had the promised boss on the line. Interesting lady, she had this style of deadpan humour. In any case, when I asked her if we'd be receiving monetary compensation for the money spent on these calls to customer service she said that it would have been free if I'd been using an Airtel landline. So I said, “Hey, that's pretty funny, you know. Because that's just the problem I was having. You haven't given me a landline. That's pretty funny, eh?”.

Uhh...right. Okay. That was a really absurd thing for her to say. Use an Airtel landline indeed. I thought it was a mighty fine joke. This girl is a comedian. When asked for a landmark near the showroom so it's easy to find, she names the HDFC ATM. Since when are ATMs landmarks? “Oh, my home, it's the building right next to the loose pavement stone. Just ask for the loose pavement stone. Everyone knows it.”


In any case, I asked her what time Airtel usually say they'll take and she said, “ 5 days for voiceless DSL˟, 7 days for DSL and the phone.” Ah ha. Scroll up. Scroll up! What did he say, that guy? Not 7 days, that's not what he said. So then I ask them if their sales representatives are hired out from some other company. She insists they are not. Oh good, good. I ask her if she heard me clearly when I said he said 4 days. She says yes. Could she arrange for him to come to our home on the day when the engineers are fitting stuff in? She can't be sure, but she can “commit to arranging a meeting”. Ah good. Will he come here then? Yes he will. Oh good. I'm not usually vindictive, but fraudsters are not nice people.


Informative bits:

  1. They'll give you a complaint request number if you insist. They won't tell you unless you ask them. Always insist. It'll take up 2 minutes of your time while they fit the right punch cards in, but you'll get it.

  2. The service and sales people are Airtel's own employees, supposedly, so yes, if they cause you trouble, make it a point to mention their name and how much trouble they were.

  3. Insist on face-to-face meetings when there's phone trouble. If you're in the Gandhinagar area, there's a showroom near Ambika Appalam. Sagariga Towers or some such.

  4. Customer Care reps are also people. Sales reps are not.

  5. Even if you carefully time the amount of time they put you on hold, they won't just reimburse that much talk time to an Airtel phone you name.


* By engineers they mean invisible ninja technicians who stealthily enter your house and install well cloaked cables that don't work.

° Have you realised that we've started to praise people for doing what they should do? “ He isn't corrupt, that's wonderful! He's definitely a hero! “

˟ Be the voice for the voiceless! Support the DSLs!