Interesting Spam

Back in the good old days, I used to get thousands of spam comments per day, but before that I only had a regular flow of twenty or so. In those days I actually bothered reading through the moderation list and removing the spam which got through Akismet. Some of those messages had very interesting text. Here are a few I had saved as a draft a long while ago.

  • Bangem smurf and domination: What were they thinking? Perhaps they too believed that the Smurfs were commies too?
  • Male strippers in cincinnati: I don’t know why I put this here. It’s not even funny. I mean, anyone looking for that can get precisely that on Google Maps. They didn’t even need to advertise, especially on a blog in Madras, India.
  • Prune juice for baby constipation: This is just twisted but I’ve got to admit that it’s got a use. Remember that annoying little kid at some relative’s place that kept biting you for no reason? Give him constipation, buy our prune juice.
  • Professional clown shoes: Professional clown shoes, a growing market that some say may eventually force amateur clown shoes out. Horrifyingly, the link included with the text pointed to a site full of naked women without clown shoes!
  • Really really want spice: Oh my god! It’s the Return Of The East India Company! Get Aamir Khan on the line, we need to make another movie.
  • The walrus and the carpenter: were walking hand in hand. They wept like anything to see such quantities of spam. And the link seemed to imply that both the walrus and the carpenter needed Sildenafil citrate
  • Poop com in apartments pantie: This reads like some Borat text. “Poop come in pantie, 4th best poop in apartment!” I wonder what they were advertising, I hear it’s something about a cup.

God damn you!

I know you, I know what you’re doing. I can feel you following me down the streets and up and down the rails on the train. I think I’ve seen you once or twice, both of you, and I will know the next time I have the luck to look upon your faces. Why do you track me? Why the eyes, always watching, always boring into the back of my head. You want my money, you can have it, I’m a poor college student, my bank account doesn’t even hit 5 figures. What is it you want then? Are you watching, waiting for a slip, a mistake which you’ll never let me forget, manipulating the courts to have me jailed? Why do that when you could just finish it now?

Or is it that you are as powerless as any other man, reduced to simply waiting because you’re too weak to do something yourself? Or are you waiting for the opportune moment, when something will seem like an accident, something which could happen to anyone, a little shove down the stairs maybe, or automatic doors whose sensors just seemed to fail? Maybe you’re looking over my shoulder this very second, reading the text that’ll disarm you, for what good is all your stealth if everyone knows how predictable you are. So be it then, they’ll all know, ha! We’ll all know, and then what good are you?

I know you…both, and I may be terrified, but there’s some things you’re just not going to take.

What motivates spammers?

Frankly, I have no clue. This post is only here because I have to thank Sindhu and Marc for their help in combating the spam.

Also, Akismet routinely has more than 500 spam messages each time I check it (nearly daily) and the Comments in Moderation has more than 70, so I don’t bother checking Akismet any more. If your comment died of isolation from other comments of its ilk please try commenting again. I don’t understand why I’m such a target for spammers. I don’t even have that many comments! Go bother Marc or something, you morons!

The hilarity of spam.

Sure, spam is no joke. But once in a while it can be really funny. Here’s one such example:

One theory is that selenium’s antioxidant powers enable pellet stoves to repair damage to the media. It attacked my mother, which I did not appreciate. Pellet stoves teens find parents dead after insight on pellet stoves to do when things go wrong. The deciding factor for Wednesday will be the inventories of oil and its products with analysts expecting pellet stoves to report another rise in crude supplies. Wright Penn said: It’s uncomfortable to see a real 12-year-old portray that truth, but everybody needs to allow prisons to get into such a terrible mess without intervening earlier in a planned way.In pellet stoves statement which pellet stoves obtained by Al Jazeera, the Islamic pellet stoves in Iraq has said it was responsible for the attack on the helicopter.

That has got to be the most ridiculous crap I’ve ever read. It’s copy-paste from the news and then use a find-replace but man is it funny (in a broken translation machine kind of way).

Apparently as Orkut proliferates people are becoming less and less smart if spammers actually think messages like the following will get them anywhere:

This whole Orkut thing is sorta blowing my mind these days.

Anyways, you seem cool and I’d like to know more. You should check out my profile on this other site, I’m always on over there and I probably won’t be logging in to orkut everyday: http://www.thisurlhasbeenchanged.org/?id=2434&mypics . But umm, don’t mind the pics, lol!

So anyway.. message me on there and we’ll chat sometime!

talk to you soon :)

The profusion of social networking sites reminds me of the old dot-com boom when everyone was talking about how any company on the net is going to be rich and baazee and hotmail were held up as shining examples. Some people sure didn’t learn from that. Sorry people, but just doing the same thing as the most successful sites and doing it worse won’t get you anywhere. Idiots.

Incidentally Akismet has a constant 1000+ comments on that spam queue, and the shoutbox has blocked 13,000 spam attempts since I last cleared it. Marc’s filterset helped greatly with that. Vielen Danke!

Kompmgr – The KDE Compositing Manager

KompmgrThe compositor is the thing that adds all the layers together to make the final image basically. So kompmgr, the KDE compositing manager manages exactly that, it allows fades, transparent windows, and shadows. It could probably do blur too, but that would be a little hard on my computer.

The reason I use kompmgr is that I don’t have a graphics card that is capable of the magic that XGL + Beryl/Compiz does but still want to have nice fading and transparency. It’s definitely not as smooth as all the videos on Youtube, but it certainly looks great and the transparency when I move the window is pretty nice.

It’s probably no longer under active development, I mean who uses a computer without a cutting-edge graphics card these days, huh? But still, I’ll say what I think is wrong with it. It’s a bit slow with both shadows and fading because apparently it draws the shadow for each faded bit. I understand OSX only draws the shadow after it’s done fading. That’s pretty neat. Transparency with shadows has the same problem. Maybe some day I’ll know enough to change that bit, after all, Free Software.

To use it, you must first enable Compositing in Xorg. Add these lines to xorg.conf: (replacing [tab] with a tab)

Section “Extensions”
[tab]Option “Composite” “Enable”
EndSection

Things I’m still figuring out:

  • How to adjust the transparency of a window on-the-fly. Currently it makes windows which are out of focus transparent (which is really useful, your eyes just stick to the in-focus window) , and moving windows transparent. (Fixed)
  • How to make it draw shadows only at the end. (Fixed)
  • Why it outputs a continuous stream of error information that makes no sense.

Update:
Window behaviour under Desktop in the Control Center has all the settings necessary. No work needed. I remember looking here a long time ago and wondering why the translucency didn’t work. I installed the packages manually to have a small KDE install, so I must’ve left out kompmgr. In any case, there you have it. I changed my shortcut key for transparency to Alt + Mousescroll just like default Beryl.

Where did all the changes come from?

Since Marc insists that he be given credit for finding plugins I have decided to humour him. Well done Marc, and I thank you, for there is little I could have done without your help. Okay, fine, no sarcasm, the shoutbox and the Recent Comments was his idea. :)

Also, if you have the chance, get a look at this page in Konqueror or Safari (they have a better rendering engine than either gecko or trident), and have a look-see at the shadows on the titles, they look pretty.

Wiyoats – What. the. hell?

This post is about wiyoats, that simple word that means so much, that drips with so much meaning and yet hides so many layers of truth. Wiyoats was coined by Sundar as a way to make a pointless comment on a blog, but today, it is out of control, and has sundered itself from its master.

Each linguist who has come upon this word has thought it to have a different meaning, here’s some of the more common explanations:

Why Oats?

This was inevitable. Marc, the health-food freak and resident fitness and strength expert claims that this is the true meaning of wiyoats. He mentions that it could be said in a number of ways, accompanied by abstract words ranging from sad disbelief (why oats? they did nothing to anyone) to annoyance (Why oats?! I had oats for breakfast _yesterday_ *whine whine*) to discomfort (oats cause gas). Marc says that based on personal experience with Sundar he thinks one of these is much more likely than the others but is currently spending his time on making such ingenious anagrams of this paragraph as (oats cause gas? NO! Goat cause ass!) to amuse himself (he is easily amused by himself, and so is everyone else).

Wii Oats

Local hardware, computer games specialist and Nintendo fanboy, Chetan, claims that Sundar is actually a robot put out by Nintendo to promote its newest console, the Wii.
It’s easy to heat (try playing), easy to treat (badly), and now even easy to EAT!“, he exclaims with glee, following that up, “Just delicious!” and then collapsing in hysterical fits of laughter.

Wie Oats

Suren, well known Splothiki-acolyte and collector of fantasy fiction which is always “borrowed” by friends decided to go off on a tangent and suggest that female American golfers are a lead that few experts have followed. In his classic non-sequitur fashion, he claims that this explains the growth of ten-foot tall marijuana plants in Taliban-controlled Afghanistan of good quality.

Soya Wit

Urban myth, however, says that Wiyoats is just a polite way of saying “Soya wit” (an anagram meaning something that could have been funny, but is just stupid the way it’s written, coming from soya substitutes for meat). Considering that wiyoats has been forcing Sundar to summon it and many blogs, it would be highly destructive if people were to find out this true meaning.

References:

  1. Sundar claiming wiyoats’ superiority over Splothiki
  2. Google Report detailing affected areas
  3. Random Thought Processess: Orkutting and groundnutting

On blogs, hosts and downtime.

Typing in my blog address,
I thought I’d login to wordpress,
And maybe even write a post,
Of something I’d done, a little boast.

The browser said the host was down,
The owner said he was out of town,
My speech was stifled, my blog was gone,
And all because I didn’t backup the previous morn.

For all my posts, they were lost,
Forget the work, think of the cost.
Now I must begin to post again,
If this happens once more, I’ll go insane,
I’ve restored once, I’ve restored twice,
I swear to you it isn’t nice.

When you have lost so much,
You get a little out of touch,
And think of silly rhymes and lines,
And numbers, 1s and 2s and 69s.